I’m really not trying to use this as a platform for my complaining, but I want to keep it real here. I don’t want anyone to look at me and think “she has it all together, why can’t I”. I have looked at so many other people that wan and it only leads to me feeling worse.
I don’t even want to show you this. It’s not pretty. It’s possible I will loose some friends.
My house looks like this:
Actually, the pictures make it look better than it actually is. I hope you didn’t all just un-friend me on facebook. Please don’t call CPS.
I’m struggling. Balancing everything is pushing me quickly towards insanity. Working full time, taking care of a baby, a husband, a house, cooking, church responsibilities, QUIET TIME. It’s not happening. In fact, only 2 are happening- working full time and taking care of Cason…. but I wouldn’t say those are happening well. I’m exhausted, constantly exhausted. I’ve tried different schedules and different routines to try and balance it all. Just when I’ve added in one additional thing- someone gets sick, or it snows, or something- and it throws everything into a downward spiral and we are back to takeout and a bedroom that looks like the smoke monster has visited.
You know those spinning things on the playground? I feel like I’m on one, and it’s moving a little too fast, and the world is zipping by too fast for me too see, and I wonder how much longer I can hold on. Cason is almost a year old and I’m wondering “what happened to summer? Did I miss Christmas?” I see other working moms and they don’t look like they are clinging to a spinning playground toy. Am I doing something wrong?
I know- number one thing is to get your priorities in order. That means God first. Sounds easy enough. I don’t even know what a quiet time is anymore. When Cason goes to bed I work trying to get everything done that I couldn’t get done when he was awake, then I crash into bed hoping he doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night so I won’t get any less sleep. In the mornings Cason can hear my eyes open (seriously) and he’s up when I am, another missed quiet time opportunity. Maybe when I first get to work? Well, I’m so stressed about getting all my hours in so I don’t loose my insurance I don’t have time at work either.
I’ve always had a lot going on. I’m used to balancing a lot of things. I’ve been busy since as long as I remember. That was NOTHING compared to this.
I could go on but I’m tired. Was preparing to go to bed but baby is crying. I hope this isn’t another long night.
I could use your prayers. I’m overwhelmed… and tired… and so many other things.